No man is an island. That’s how the saying goes, isn’t it? And first thing on a Monday morning, as your SCRUM team meeting kicks off, you may wish you were Maldives with endless crystal-blue seas between you and your colleagues!
But having a set of people around you who you can call on in time of crisis or just for a natter and to relax with, is vital to becoming the best version of you.
A good place to start is to write each of the 5 core life areas at the top of a page and list the people who you could call if you had a problem in that area.
The 5 core life areas are:
Time
Like most people, you probably suffer from lack of time rather that a dearth of it. So who can help you out? Do you have family members who can take the kids off for a couple of hours while you get the cleaning done? Or does your best friend have a car and are willing to car-share, allowing you time to work on the commute? Can your colleague help you write that report, rather than struggling by on your own?
Money
This area depends on your focus. If you are experiencing some financial worries, you need someone to share these worries with. A trusted friend can listen without judgment while you get your thoughts in order. However, if you are starting a catering company, you need people in your network who have some knowledge of that industry. Do you have any friends or acquaintances who serve in the catering industry or even run their own restaurants?
Relationships
Whether you need help with a difficult relationship, or want to expand on your current network, building a strong support team around you is vital. After all, there is no top-class sports person that does not have coaches, nutritionists, sports psychologists, tacticians and performance analysis to name a few. Each perform a different role in the team and help to bring the best out of the individual or team on and off the pitch!
Health
Who do you know who has knowledge about health? You have probably got a tame G.P. you can call on, but there is more to it than that. Have any of your friends got jobs working in the health sector – personal trainers, supplements, acupuncture? Have you got people who have a good amount of knowledge about these factors? Is Dave regularly running 83-minute half marathons? He must know a thing or two about getting started in fitness! Does Jenny go to the gym 5 times a week for weight training? She can probably point you in the right direction if you wanted to be the next Mr or Ms Universe!
Self-Care
Who has got the zen approach in their life? Who effortlessly smashes all goals and never breaks a sweat? They must know something we don’t – check in with them and harvest some of their knowledge to apply to your own life!
Here are 6 ideas that you might want to think about
1. List your current network assets?
For each core area in your life, write a list of the people in the 5 spheres of your life.
Inner sphere: these are the people who you are closest to you. Your family, your best friends… the people you could ring at 2am if you were in real trouble and who would be there in a jiffy!
Mid sphere: these are the people who you would call your friends but are not as close as those in your inner sphere. Ringing these people for a chat wouldn’t be surprising for them, but phoning them in the middle of the night would cause them to raise an eyebrow or two.
Outer sphere: these are all the other people in your network, even if you don’t know their names. They include your postman, work colleagues you don’t often have much to do with, your newsagent, G.P., ex-teachers, people at your weekly art class, anyone you come into contact with who you could happily say hi to if you met them in the street.
Linked Sphere: these people are friends of friends, or even friends several times removed. They are the suppliers of your corner shop or your art teacher’s friends. Think 6 degrees of separation and you’ll be on the right lines.
Celebrity sphere: this one is easy. Who is already famous for doing what you are doing? Don’t just think of prime-time T.V. here, think about course and content creators, community leaders and bloggers. Anyone who has ‘got the T-shirt’ is a good person to try and get in contact with, even if you have never met them before in your lives!
2. Take action
Now, with your lists bulging at the seams, take action. Get in touch with the most likely to be able to help and work through the list until you get the information you need. This might involve phoning someone up, emailing them or writing a good old fashioned analogue letter to get their attention.
Obviously, people are busy so don’t pester them until they relent, just to get you off their back! The point of this exercise is to build a support network, not a pissed-off network.
A simple request to ask them 3 simple questions, to take them out to lunch for a chat or to become a more ‘formal’ mentor may just work. Most people love talking about themselves, especially experts and many of them are extremely grateful for their success and often want to pay their good fortune back or forward.
3. How can you increase the population of your network?
No matter how big your network, you should always be looking for ways to develop this. What direction you choose to extend your friendships will depend on your needs. Look at the 5 core life areas and think about who you can meet who might help you in your quest.
Start new clubs, go to new places and talk to everyone you meet. If you are going to meet city bankers, don’t go for a drink at a country pub. If you want to go into teaching, volunteer at a school or shadow a tutor at a university.
4. Join forums
Online forums are excellent places to meet a lot of new people and although you can often find ‘characters’ who are only there for a big fat argument, you can get your barge pole out and focus on those who are civil and want to build real relationships.
Just as a warning, please be careful if you use forums to create new friendships. Taking precautions to make sure you don’t give personal information away or meet anywhere except very public places is always something to keep in mind.
5. Apps
There are lots of paid and free apps that are specifically designed to help meet like-minded people. Linkedin and Meetup are the 2 most well-known versions of platonic friendship creators, but there are also lots of new ones: Yubo, Bumble BFF, Nextdoor and Skout are possible avenues here. Of course, the usual safety measures should be taken when using any of these apps.
6. Networking events
Whether gong to trade shows, training or specific networking groups, you will always find a plethora of new contacts. Staying updated in your chosen field of interest means signing up for the up-to-date training your industry is providing.
It might be worth getting some business cards printed with your contact details as this is a tried and tested method of passing on details when you meet a large number of potential new contacts,
7. Build meaningful relationships.
In order to develop your network, you need to spend time nurturing your relationships. It would be very unusual to meet someone for the first time and find you have so much in common, that you become instant best friends. Any friendship takes time to grow.
This process should not be a one-way street. In order to get someone to help you, offer to help them first. During your chats, find something you can help them with and they may be more willing to reciprocate. Whatever you do, try and add value to their life. Whether it’s asking them to join your book club or offering to solve a particular problem for them, as long as both of you are willing to add value, this process of network building won’t seem cold and calculating but the start of genuine, caring win-win relationships
If you want more information, check out Chandra’s TEDx story about social support and wellness.
And if you feel you could delve deeper, check out article on prioritising what’s important in your life.